This Train Don't Stop
by Six-Helix
Summary: This is a drabble on the season finale, I had to do something after all my heart was broken by that shot. It was truely a sad episode. Here is my interpretation of Tony's take on it.


Tony sighed, it had been months since she had died upon that roof top and now...well now didn't matter. His hands moved over the lettering of her tombstone, he had always known she was out of his league but he never expected to lose her so soon. He sighed, his hands smoothing over his face before he collapsed to his knees. He remembered it like yesterday, the day that she left the world his world for the last time.

_'We were laughing, McGee was in trouble but we were laughing. And then...all I remember is having my face smacked with warm liquid. It never registered what had happened until Gibbs shot blindly. That's when the reality of you being gone hit me, and I collapsed like I just did. Though it was to hold you one last time, the first real time I guess you could say. You were gone, but your eyes...they were open and glazed. It was almost like there was someplace you needed to be but you couldn't get there, I guess that place was the end of your life. Not the one Ari made, but the one that you were to make for yourself._

_You know, McGee says that you thought it was coming? He said that you were talking about putting our lives on the line, Kate why? Did you have to be so protective of us? We were a team before you died, but now...now you are gone and we are nothing anymore. Gibbs rarely comes to work, but then again he resigned after you died. Probie, he doesn't talk usually secluded in a computer room or something. And Abbs, my god Kate...she doesn't wear goth anymore. It's like when you died part of her died too. Then again you had that effect on alot of people, I mean after all it was you that brought light back into the life of so many people on this team._

_You brought the life back into my life Kate, you and you alone gave me something to look forward to in the future. I mean Katie, you were the ideal woman. The day I met you, you know what I thought? Man, she is brillant and you know what? I want to marry someone just like her. Funny thing is, I didn't want a copy Kate. I wanted you in all your playful glory. Now look at you...six feet under and you never even got to hold a child._

_God Kate, he stole so much from you. Your birthdays, your family, your anniversaries, and your wedding. You'll never get that back, and now, now I realize how much you meant to me. Kate you were my life, and I never knew it. It was you that brought me to work each day and you that helped me get through some of the toughest times I've ever had as an agent. I mean when I was lost in the field I felt you trying to guide me home, that time with the bees you were there for me, and the plague...Kate I could never tell you what you did for me. But you were the one that saved me, it wasn't Gibbs and it wasn't the strength of my body. It was the knowledge that you would risk your life to comfort me in my last hours._

_I guess that's what hurts the most, me knowing that I wasn't able to do the same for you in your final hours. Knowing that you died in the most lonely of ways. At least you didn't suffer, that much I can say. But when you took that shot for Gibbs, Katie I wanted to die for you then. I thought you had left me, and then you really did and now...now I'm hollow I can't go on like this Kate._

_Your loss, it was the one thing that could break me. You once asked me what I was afraid of, you know what the answer was? Losing my team, and what happened? I lost my team and I lost the woman of my life. Of course you never knew it, and I wished you had afterwards. But you know what? If you had known, it would have made the pain worse. I never would have gotten over you, well I never would have let go anyway._

_Kate you were my smile, my happiness, my motivation, and now you are my conscious. You had even become the voice in my head for better or worse, and now...now that's all gone. And so is my spirit, my will to live, my heart. It's over Kate, there is nothing left for me in this world any more.'_

His hands fell down to the gun at his waist, he couldn't take this pain any more. Couldn't handle this loss, not now not ever. He raised the gun, placed it to his temple and his eyes slid closed. It was time, and he knew it. He had had a good life, but this was the end he wanted.

The sound was muffled against his skull as his body was thrown to the side, Tony was gone in an instant. Just like that one light was dimmed for another's loss.


End file.
